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the awesome power of inertia  
01:18pm 22/04/2010
komplicated karma
really though, it's kind of amazing. i didn't want to do yoga or even stretch for a long time. when i started doing it every morning as a desperate act, it quickly became sort of addictive. like i'd be wanting to do it several times a day. recently i went to LA and didn't do it for 4 days and now it is hard to motivate towards it again. but i will, because it helps. i find that whatever habitual behaviors become a part of my life seem to take on a life of their own. i never used to feel that way much. my whole life i thought i was lucky not to have an "addictive" personality. Then i realized that personality is not a static phenomenon. it was all too easy to get lost once i experienced just how pliable that sort of thing can be. my addictions were so subtle they were more like symbols of the energy of addiction, and yet what is all if not energy? i often pray for heightened awareness to catch myself. at least to have the OPPORTUNITY to catch myself, and then the decision i make on that subtle intuitive note is self programming. does the conscious act count for more than the unconscious one though? the awesome power of inertia says no. it doesn't pick and choose. as i get more sensitive, it's power grows stronger. listening to a cool audio course right now called the science of medical intuition by caroline myss and some dude- i dunno i like her better. recommended. it's amazing just how much of peoples shit gets projected onto others completely unconsciously. no one is immune to this. just when you think you're above something you become that very thing. return to go! do not collect $200 beotch. and learn to catch it in action. we will undoubtedly fail again. victory in defeat..
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terra rising..  
02:38am 18/03/2010
komplicated karma

no. i don't think i'm special. i'm a hideous fucking clown. :)
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hmmm.. for making music?  
01:51pm 11/03/2010
komplicated karma

or wtvr.  write me a surrealist poem!

(i didn't write this)

How to Write a Surrealist Poem

“No idea or image that might lend itself to a rational explanation of any kind would be accepted.”
- Buñuel on the writing of Un Chien Andalou

The idea of what surrealism means has definitely changed since its incarnation in the ’20s, but when I say “surrealist poem” I’m holding closer to the original definition than how we see it now – meaning the exploration of the unexplainable processes of the subconscious.  The thing that’s changed about the term is that the dreamlike images (also associated with the original definition of exploring the subconscious) need no longer be attached to the subconscious for the definition “surrealist” to apply. 

Basically, I’m trying to say that a good surrealist poem is both dreamlike and retrieved from the subconscious, the two of which go hand in hand.  Let me try to articulate by explaining how I go about making surrealist poetry.  This is the way I do it, but I think any process that involves much more of the conscious mind than I employ would be veering away from what I mean by “surrealism.”

1) Don’t think – If you have ideas in your head for pieces of the poem before writing, those ideas aren’t going in the poem. All the noise and trembles you’ve got in your skull is gibberish on a blackboard from yesterday’s lesson; disregard it. Today begins new.

2) Clear your head - So nothing already active in your head is going into the poem.  Now let’s do more than disregard that gibberish, let’s wipe it all out, turn your head into a snowed field.  Lots  of different ways you can do this – you know what works for you. Some people can sit down and be blank-headed off the bat. Some people fast regularly to stay clear-headed or do yoga or excercise or I guess eating healthy helps but I don’t know anything about that, seeing as I live off of cereal and bacon. Some people do drugs – drugs being marijuana, ’cause you’re crazy if you think mushrooms or acid can help quiet the head down.  (umm.. i totally disagree with this statement. ~th) Personally: marijuana can be nice for poetry, for the sole reason that it’s like a pair of scissors to snip the secondary, editorial voice out of your head. (out of YOUR head maybe. i think it makes the voices louder but maybe not. it could be sunshine ~th) I never write my novels high because that second voice is actually like a co-pilot, making sure you’re continuing to lay the meat on the skeleton right. But, for the sake of this write-up, we’re talking single session poems. Do what you gotta do homie.

3) Become a tuning fork and strike yourself – Don’t walk blindly into the jungle. We are explorers of the subconscious when we do this: so pick a vibe and get into it. Could be anything – could be an exploration of heartbreak, an exploration of laziness, or an exploration (this is wonderful) of feelings you don’t understand but can only really visualize as tones inside the body. I recommend picking something, a certain tone of subconscious emotion – no need to be something you understand. This will keep your poem from being a random ejaculation of verbage onto a page that have no relation together – you’ll find when you explore in one certain direction, your subconscious, after training, will provide the structure and thrust of it naturally.

4) Now dig - What we’re looking for in a surrealist poem is the images, situations, fragments of speech, etc. that hold weight in our minds without us understanding why. Scroll up and read that Buñuel quote again. You know, I have a Dali tattoo on my arm, the melting clocks, and so many people ask me, “What’s that symbolize?” It’s hard for people to understand the concept of creating something purely abstract without trying to tie it down to a purely concrete idea or thing. WE ARE NOT LOOKING FOR INTENTIONAL SYMBOLS.  You’re looking for the unexplainable images in your mind that hold weight, a weight you can really feel – like if I were the come up with one off the top of my head it would be a rhinoceros lying on clouds with thumb tacks spread all over them, eating bananas. I see it in my head and it’s got a heaviness, and I don’t understand it.

What actually happens with almost every single thing I write is that, later, I understand it. I go “Wow, all of this happened for a reason!” and it’s very beneficial for me, because I understand that mysterious tone I struck in myself when I had no idea what it was before.  In that way, writing a surrealist poem is exactly like meditation and I promise  you enormous personal, mental, spiritual etc. benefits by engaging in the continual practice of them.

5) Logic excercise - Writing of any kind is an excercise in logic. Same goes here. All these pieces will be flowing out at you, these heavy images and voices you don’t understand, and you gotta put them together in a coherent form. But with a surrealist poem, it’s much more intuitive, much more of a kneejerk thing. Say with a short story, you might sit back and go, “Alright, I got the dude in the kitchen and blah blah blah… what would he do?”  But that’s not the kind of way to approach the surrealist poem. Picture this: that all the things you’ve been digging out  of your subconscious are different objects you’re trying to keep balanced on a suspended blanket or hammock or something. The logic excercise here is, how do I keep these things balanced, how do I fit them on without upsetting things and spilling everything? Which doesn’t end in the first draft but carries over into

6) Revision – I don’t believe that you shouldn’t revise surrealist work. The idea is to capture the subconscious, yes, which is why the old guys believed you shouldn’t touch what you wrote. Which would make sense, if we could guarantee that we really had contacted the subconscious in every line we wrote.  But we don’t. Even the process of staying engaged in the subconscious IS a conscious act, in many ways. So what you are going to do in revision is remember the tuning fork you struck and see what of what you wrote actually resonates on the same frequency.  For sure, some of it won’t.

And remembering the idea of keeping things balanced – you will be able to intuitively feel the heaviness and lightness of each line you wrote, and, if you shut off your conscious mind, your subconscious mind will know how that flow of weight throughout the body of the poem will need to be adjusted.  THE KEY to doing this in revision without spoiling the subconscious nature of the initial draft is that, any time you scrape lines off the skeleton and replace them with new lines, you have to get those new lines from the same place. You have to go back to being the fisherman of your subconscious, but now with a better understanding of the tone you’re going for.  Not a complete understanding – or  the poem would be finished. But a better understanding, ready to pull the zipper up all the way on the poem and call it complete.

One last quote to keep you juiced on this, and to help explain why I think surrealist poetry in particular is so important: this one coming from my man Dali: “If you understand your painting before making it, there is no reason to make it.”

That’s all. Do this every day and eat all your vitamins!


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01:36pm 04/03/2010
komplicated karma
it's a slow burn. i don't know if it will ever stop. delivered what was asked of me.. scraping from the inside out. i could drown in these ashes. no, it's just pain. breathing together in the astral.. i know you.
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02:00pm 05/02/2010
komplicated karma

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one to grow on..  
01:11pm 07/01/2010
komplicated karma
i have much to be grateful for. 2009 was the year i really took a hard look at what my life has become, and felt a deep shift in priorities within. it feels so much more difficult to accomplish certain goals now, stemming in part from choices made long ago. it was the year that everything finally came to the surface, and even with all my failures i do not feel regret. there are new challenges coming that must be faced with courage and patient persistence. we reap what we sow and there is no escaping that, but help exists to ease the burden sometimes if we can love ourselves enough to actually receive. humility seems to lead to a greater sense of acceptance. with so much pain in the world it is hard to remember sometimes that healing is also a gift to the healer.

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01:39pm 27/04/2009
komplicated karma
i deleted my last entry. delete delete delete! words cannot capture the shifting nature of my awareness right now. i will put my best foot forward.. and that is all.
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abstract noir  
07:15am 25/03/2009
komplicated karma
i've become nocturnal again- just cant sleep lately. oh and my skin's gotten bad. thought i was a little old to develop acne but apparently.. not. the weird thing is i looked in the mirror one day and had a premonition that this would happen. it's the evil seeping in.. (oh but i'm sure it's just a phase:)~ *sigh*. received vortex healing from my old friend Lucy Fur. She said that the energy between my root and heart chakras kept whipping back and forth as though the two were fighting for dominance, and was not circulating properly through the rest of the body. no parasitical entities yay, my gridlines to the source were not severed but somewhat skewed. she saw major dryness in my belly and told me to drink lots of water. there was also an energy drain coming from that area which appeared as a black funnel of air and some toxic energy that had settled in the body with the potential of becoming cancerous. a bit of dread there but i was glad for this insight. i'm not super thrilled with my mental state sometimes & i don't anticipate life getting any easier but i want it to be more more PHUN dammit! noticing my desires working against me, but bold action feels good no matter what the outcome. this is a perceptual shift which i welcome, although i seem to be in between paradigms currently. currently indeed. gotta love this crazy life. what else.. oh yeah i totally suck on the radio but i'm going to keep doing it anyway. i started a new song but still need to release the rest of my old ones. some serious talent wanting to remix me too so i must not dally. i listened to a bunch of moderately successful female electronic artists tonight and decided that some of them really suck. also been listening to lots of trippy and wildly unpopular musica- in depth. sometimes it bothers me, all this unintended manifestation and panpsychic feedback phenomena- i get sick of the mirror sometimes and yearn for a simpler kind of freedom. but there is something special about it that i love.... like when she squeezes my hand so tight it feels like we're going to jump off a cliff together.
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(no subject)  
05:29am 20/03/2009
komplicated karma
so still
so sweet

ecstasy in the subtlest intimation of a gesture
as fires blaze in the distance


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braces coming off april 7th.. holy shit  
04:01pm 16/03/2009
komplicated karma
it's been over 5 years now. i am ready. also spinning at an eviction party in west oakland this friday. call me for details. ALSO this and every friday from 6-8pm... it's official. i now have a radio show on 104.1 Berkeley Liberation Radio! 150 watts of theorna in your face haha.. wtf. i don't know. if you don't live in the east bay it be interweb streamable . http://www.berkeleyliberationradio.org/home
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